1
00:00:08,833 --> 00:00:14,233
Tonight, one small stumble for
man as we build a space shuttle.

2
00:00:14,267 --> 00:00:18,367
I drive a nuclear bomb
disguised as a Mercedes.

3
00:00:18,400 --> 00:00:22,567
And Simon Pegg makes a Hot
Fuzz in our reasonably priced car.

4
00:00:22,600 --> 00:00:23,833
Help!

5
00:00:33,067 --> 00:00:35,767
You're wrong.
You're wrong.

6
00:00:35,800 --> 00:00:40,067
Hello and welcome
to an argument.

7
00:00:40,100 --> 00:00:44,633
You see, there are two types,
two types of petrolhead.

8
00:00:44,667 --> 00:00:47,900
You've got idiots like this
who like the Porsche 911,

9
00:00:47,933 --> 00:00:51,433
then you got people like me,
who'd rather have anthrax than a 911,

10
00:00:51,467 --> 00:00:52,833
'cause I'm a Ferrari person.

11
00:00:52,867 --> 00:00:54,443
Yes, but when you
actually owned a Ferrari,

12
00:00:54,467 --> 00:00:56,233
you couldn't leave it
parked on the street,

13
00:00:56,267 --> 00:00:58,067
go out for dinner in it
or anything,

14
00:00:58,100 --> 00:01:00,243
'cause you spent the whole meal
worrying about who was bumping into it

15
00:01:00,267 --> 00:01:02,400
or carving their name into
it's precious paintback.

16
00:01:02,433 --> 00:01:05,209
True. I once left the roof off and it
was so full of phlegm when I got back

17
00:01:05,233 --> 00:01:06,700
I could have swum home but...

18
00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:08,600
Exactly, and therefore,
as a result of that

19
00:01:08,633 --> 00:01:11,600
it spent its entire life cowering
at home in your garage

20
00:01:11,633 --> 00:01:14,033
and when you were eventually
brave enough to want to use it,

21
00:01:14,067 --> 00:01:15,943
by that time, the battery
was flat. It was hopeless!

22
00:01:15,967 --> 00:01:20,167
Yes, I know, but a Ferrari with a
flat battery is an aesthetic thing.

23
00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:21,867
You can enjoy looking at it,
that's the...

24
00:01:21,967 --> 00:01:24,300
Yes, but it's not moving.
That's why I love the 911

25
00:01:24,333 --> 00:01:27,067
because you can use it
every day to go to places.

26
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It's a car!

27
00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:30,633
And now,
there's a new turbo version,

28
00:01:30,667 --> 00:01:34,400
which we asked him to drive
in the hope he'd see the light.

29
00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:47,167
This is the biggest 911 Turbo
they've ever made,

30
00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:50,100
but it's still no longer
than a Toyota Prius,

31
00:01:50,133 --> 00:01:54,000
no wider than a 3 Series BMW.

32
00:01:56,733 --> 00:02:01,943
And unlike a normal supercar, it
doesn't have Marilyn Monroe hips,

33
00:02:01,967 --> 00:02:05,233
so it doesn't get stuck in
multi-storey car parks.

34
00:02:08,133 --> 00:02:12,943
What's more, it's not like threading
through traffic in a post-box.

35
00:02:12,967 --> 00:02:15,633
In a Ferrari, you can't really
see where the buses are

36
00:02:15,667 --> 00:02:16,743
so you can't carve them up.

37
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But in this,

38
00:02:17,833 --> 00:02:19,067
you can!

39
00:02:20,967 --> 00:02:23,033
In a Ferrari you'd be
forever worried about

40
00:02:23,067 --> 00:02:25,300
graunching the nose
on a speed hump.

41
00:02:26,433 --> 00:02:28,633
But not in the 911.

42
00:02:28,667 --> 00:02:31,943
And it doesn't even harm
the sky very much, either.

43
00:02:31,967 --> 00:02:34,200
It may have a flat six,

44
00:02:34,767 --> 00:02:35,943
twin turbo engine,

45
00:02:35,967 --> 00:02:39,867
but it only produces
300 carbon dioxides.

46
00:02:39,967 --> 00:02:43,967
That's a 100 less than you get
from the back of a Ferrari 430.

47
00:02:46,100 --> 00:02:48,943
If you drive this car through
a really polluted city,

48
00:02:48,967 --> 00:02:52,233
Los Angeles, Calcutta,
Harrogate, something like that,

49
00:02:52,267 --> 00:02:56,000
the gas coming out of the
exhaust pipes is less toxic

50
00:02:56,033 --> 00:02:58,500
than the air
going into the engine.

51
00:02:59,500 --> 00:03:01,733
And I'm not joking.
That's true.

52
00:03:04,633 --> 00:03:08,867
This then is like a small, efficient,
easy-to-use vacuum cleaner.

53
00:03:11,133 --> 00:03:13,500
They should've called it
the Porsche Dyson.

54
00:03:13,533 --> 00:03:15,667
And it'll suck up your
luggage too, because,

55
00:03:15,700 --> 00:03:21,367
unlike any other supercar, its boot is
easily big enough for your weekly shop.

56
00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:23,533
There is the peach
and peacock,

57
00:03:23,567 --> 00:03:26,500
the cornerstone of any
Porsche driver's Sunday lunch.

58
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And there's still room
left over for the ice cream

59
00:03:29,100 --> 00:03:33,433
made from the bones of
your defeated squash opponent.

60
00:03:33,467 --> 00:03:37,133
And you can use this car on the
school run, because it has back seats.

61
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I mean, obviously, you'd
have to have fairly thin children,

62
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but then you would have,
because you've got a Porsche 911,

63
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so you'd have a thin wife.

64
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I will concede, then,

65
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that there's no everyday situation
that flummoxes a 911 Turbo.

66
00:03:58,467 --> 00:04:01,233
And so, because you
can use it every day,

67
00:04:01,267 --> 00:04:04,733
its battery won't be flat
when the moment is right...

68
00:04:06,100 --> 00:04:08,167
...and you fancy a drive.

69
00:04:14,467 --> 00:04:18,833
The new 911 Turbo has special,
variable veined turbo chargers

70
00:04:18,867 --> 00:04:21,333
that always work,
whatever the revs.

71
00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:25,333
You can even buy a special
over-boost facility

72
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which, for brief moments,
can deliver 500 torques.

73
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That gives it a very
muscle-ly feel.

74
00:04:35,333 --> 00:04:38,067
And it's got a special new
4-wheel drive system

75
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that doesn't allow any form
of under or oversteer.

76
00:04:41,967 --> 00:04:46,167
You just get so much grip
that your eyes start to hurt.

77
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It's like being
in a capsule of speed.

78
00:04:56,867 --> 00:05:00,433
So, when the sun goes down,

79
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you can really get cracking.

80
00:05:03,233 --> 00:05:07,433
Okay, let's engage the
stability management program

81
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and put it in sport mode.

82
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That's changed things a bit.

83
00:05:16,700 --> 00:05:19,633
Now, every time
I turn the steering wheel,

84
00:05:19,667 --> 00:05:23,433
it feels like I'm drawing a line
through the laws of physics.

85
00:05:26,033 --> 00:05:29,567
This is not driving.
This is pure maths.

86
00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:33,067
So how does it compare to
my beloved Ferrari?

87
00:05:39,567 --> 00:05:41,700
Well, it has a smaller engine,

88
00:05:41,733 --> 00:05:46,943
but because of the scram jet turbo
chargers, it produces 480 break horsepower,

89
00:05:46,967 --> 00:05:50,433
exactly what you get
from the 430.

90
00:05:50,467 --> 00:05:52,400
But then this is lighter
than the Ferrari,

91
00:05:52,433 --> 00:05:57,600
thanks to aluminium doors which
weigh just 11 kilograms each.

92
00:05:57,633 --> 00:06:00,767
It's also £20,000
less expensive.

93
00:06:03,300 --> 00:06:05,633
Sure, it isn't as exciting
as the Ferrari,

94
00:06:05,667 --> 00:06:07,767
it's more about engineering
than passion,

95
00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:12,033
but I will admit the end
results are astonishing!

96
00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:19,300
Let me give you
some performance figures.

97
00:06:19,333 --> 00:06:22,567
Naught to 60, 3.9 seconds.

98
00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:25,700
Top speed,
near as makes no difference

99
00:06:25,733 --> 00:06:27,400
200 miles an hour.

100
00:06:29,533 --> 00:06:31,367
But this is my favourite,
okay,

101
00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:34,033
40 to 60 in second gear...

102
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...one second!

103
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One!

104
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It's amazing, because

105
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it's not just more usable
than a Ferrari, more practical,

106
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but I think out here,
in the real world,

107
00:06:53,067 --> 00:06:57,533
with crests and dips and
bumps and blind brows,

108
00:06:57,567 --> 00:06:59,200
I think it's faster as well.

109
00:07:03,167 --> 00:07:04,333
I really do.

110
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Ah, you see!

111
00:07:16,100 --> 00:07:18,833
Ladies...
Ladies and gentlemen...

112
00:07:20,567 --> 00:07:24,967
We must all rejoice because
Clarkson has finally caught the bug!

113
00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:27,133
No, I haven't.
I still prefer the Ferrari.

114
00:07:27,167 --> 00:07:29,267
Well, hang on, you've just
spent the last six minutes

115
00:07:29,300 --> 00:07:33,333
wasting our time telling us how
that's faster, more powerful, lighter

116
00:07:33,367 --> 00:07:36,500
and more practical. How
could you... And cheaper.

117
00:07:36,533 --> 00:07:38,333
The thing is, now, I'm sorry,

118
00:07:38,367 --> 00:07:41,633
that's like sitting in a Volkswagen
Beetle with mustard up his bottom.

119
00:07:41,667 --> 00:07:43,633
As in...

120
00:07:43,667 --> 00:07:46,509
Well, it's better than sitting a car that
won't start but just looks a bit pretty.

121
00:07:46,533 --> 00:07:48,067
Look, can we just...

122
00:07:48,100 --> 00:07:49,943
Can I say, this argument's
been going on for 40 years,

123
00:07:49,967 --> 00:07:51,533
it will go on for another 40.

124
00:07:51,567 --> 00:07:53,943
The correct place is in the
pub, so we will do the news.

125
00:07:53,967 --> 00:07:56,967
No, 'cause I've just thought
of something else, okay.

126
00:07:58,167 --> 00:07:59,743
It's really simple.
It's all to do with...

127
00:07:59,767 --> 00:08:01,400
I have passion
for the Ferrari.

128
00:08:01,433 --> 00:08:04,333
I respect that, but I have...
It's like David Attenborough.

129
00:08:04,367 --> 00:08:07,667
I respect David Attenborough,
I mean, just infinite respect.

130
00:08:07,700 --> 00:08:09,400
In the same way
as I respect that car.

131
00:08:09,433 --> 00:08:11,709
But I have no passion for him I
don't want to make love to him.

132
00:08:11,733 --> 00:08:13,076
- Yeah, but...
- That's all I'm saying.

133
00:08:13,100 --> 00:08:16,500
But I have respect and passion
for the 911.

134
00:08:16,533 --> 00:08:18,700
There you are, you've
just admitted on television

135
00:08:18,733 --> 00:08:20,373
you wanna make love
to David Attenborough.

136
00:08:21,867 --> 00:08:23,633
He's just said that.

137
00:08:23,667 --> 00:08:27,467
Your logic, sometimes, mate, is
the most warped thing... I don't...

138
00:08:27,500 --> 00:08:28,867
Shut up!

139
00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:30,433
Okay?

140
00:08:30,467 --> 00:08:32,200
- We shall do the news.
- Right.

141
00:08:32,233 --> 00:08:33,700
And now, the news.

142
00:08:33,733 --> 00:08:35,467
And we begin, this week...

143
00:08:35,500 --> 00:08:36,800
Oh, bloody hell.

144
00:08:38,633 --> 00:08:39,800
With...

145
00:08:40,333 --> 00:08:41,333
With...

146
00:08:42,700 --> 00:08:44,943
With...

147
00:08:44,967 --> 00:08:46,867
With the Porsche 911.

148
00:08:46,967 --> 00:08:51,567
More specifically,
the Porsche 911 GT3 RS.

149
00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:53,400
Oh, now, that is the business!

150
00:08:53,433 --> 00:08:56,733
It's faster, lighter, it's tauter,
it's possibly the ultimate 911.

151
00:08:56,767 --> 00:08:59,833
In the same way that Ebola
is the ultimate tropical disease.

152
00:08:59,867 --> 00:09:01,833
What's all that scaffolding
in the back?

153
00:09:01,867 --> 00:09:03,509
Well, it's a roll cage,
but when you take...

154
00:09:03,533 --> 00:09:05,867
No, I'm sorry. If I see
scaffolding around a building

155
00:09:05,967 --> 00:09:07,043
I'll go, "They haven't
finished that yet."

156
00:09:07,067 --> 00:09:08,843
I'm sorry, I'm gonna say
they haven't finished.

157
00:09:08,867 --> 00:09:10,000
No, it's a roll cage!

158
00:09:10,033 --> 00:09:11,833
Look, I will admit
that's perhaps...

159
00:09:11,867 --> 00:09:13,809
The only problem with this
otherwise brilliant car

160
00:09:13,833 --> 00:09:16,133
is that it's
not the most practical.

161
00:09:16,167 --> 00:09:17,809
If you want to pop down
to the newspaper shop,

162
00:09:17,833 --> 00:09:20,033
you've got to clamber in
over the roll cage,

163
00:09:20,067 --> 00:09:21,533
lower yourself
into the bucket seat,

164
00:09:21,567 --> 00:09:23,533
do up the 6 point
race harness,

165
00:09:23,567 --> 00:09:26,200
prime the fire extinguisher
system. It's gonna take time.

166
00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:30,267
So in the real world, my 1.2-litre
Panda is faster to the shops?

167
00:09:31,467 --> 00:09:32,743
- No, mate, it's just not.
- No, it is.

168
00:09:32,767 --> 00:09:34,567
I've only have to put
the seatbelt on once.

169
00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:36,467
You've got to do it six times.

170
00:09:36,500 --> 00:09:38,243
Okay, I've got to do that and then
wait whilst you put your seatbelts on

171
00:09:38,267 --> 00:09:39,709
and then do all
your pre-flight checks

172
00:09:39,733 --> 00:09:41,300
and make sure
the air vents are all...

173
00:09:43,567 --> 00:09:45,200
Can I move this along?
Do you mind?

174
00:09:45,233 --> 00:09:47,043
Is it all right, because I've got
something that's bugging me.

175
00:09:47,067 --> 00:09:49,776
Has anyone see these average speed
cameras they're kicking around now?

176
00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:51,533
You know what I mean?

177
00:09:51,567 --> 00:09:53,543
See, I was flying on the M25 the
other day through the roadworks

178
00:09:53,567 --> 00:09:55,267
had to do an average of 40 mph

179
00:09:55,300 --> 00:09:57,643
measured by two cameras, one
at the beginning, one at the end.

180
00:09:57,667 --> 00:09:58,900
That's impossible!

181
00:09:58,933 --> 00:10:00,900
It's impossible
because you drive along

182
00:10:00,933 --> 00:10:02,343
and you're sort of
looking around and go.

183
00:10:02,367 --> 00:10:04,276
"Oh, Lord, I'm doing 42,"
because I'm going downhill.

184
00:10:04,300 --> 00:10:05,876
You think "Oh, God, I've
been doing that for half a mile

185
00:10:05,900 --> 00:10:08,100
"so now I need to do
half a mile at 38."

186
00:10:08,133 --> 00:10:10,367
Which means that you can
only look at the speedometer,

187
00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:12,600
you can't look at anything
else. Only the speedometer.

188
00:10:12,633 --> 00:10:15,533
You're going through roadworks
on the M25 in the rain at rush hour!

189
00:10:15,567 --> 00:10:18,400
And I know what they're
doing here. It's the government.

190
00:10:18,433 --> 00:10:20,300
Gordon Brown has worked out

191
00:10:20,333 --> 00:10:22,476
that he's got to pay all our pensions,
'cause we're all gonna live forever.

192
00:10:22,500 --> 00:10:23,767
They're trying to kill us off!

193
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:26,233
But I know how
to get round it.

194
00:10:26,267 --> 00:10:28,467
Go past the first camera,
pull over,

195
00:10:28,500 --> 00:10:29,767
get the newspaper out,
read it,

196
00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:31,076
listen to the radio
for 10 minutes,

197
00:10:31,100 --> 00:10:32,933
do a 120
for the rest of the way.

198
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:35,833
That's not quite right,
actually.

199
00:10:35,867 --> 00:10:39,100
Because I can prove the way to keep
traffic moving through the roadworks,

200
00:10:39,133 --> 00:10:40,743
- which is where those average speed cameras are...
- Yeah?

201
00:10:40,767 --> 00:10:43,933
- ...is for everybody to go faster from the start.
- Yeah?

202
00:10:43,967 --> 00:10:47,567
It's all down to the work of the
Swiss physicist Daniel Bernoulli.

203
00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:49,100
- You're familiar with him?
- Oh, him.

204
00:10:49,133 --> 00:10:50,233
- Thought so.
- He isn't!

205
00:10:50,267 --> 00:10:52,100
- He is.
- He's never heard of him.

206
00:10:52,133 --> 00:10:54,433
What he essentially proved
was that in a system,

207
00:10:54,467 --> 00:10:57,400
the pressure and volume multiplied
together must be a constant.

208
00:10:57,433 --> 00:10:59,833
So if you've got a busy
motorway and it gets thinner,

209
00:10:59,867 --> 00:11:01,609
and there's less space
for the cars to go through,

210
00:11:01,633 --> 00:11:04,433
they must go faster for the
flow-rate of cars to remain the same.

211
00:11:04,467 --> 00:11:06,576
So it's like when you put your
thumb over the end of a hose pipe

212
00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:08,509
- the water comes out quicker.
- That's exactly what it's like.

213
00:11:08,533 --> 00:11:11,400
So how fast then, if you take a
three-lane motorway down to one lane,

214
00:11:11,433 --> 00:11:15,500
how fast does the traffic have to move
in order to keep the flow-rate the same?

215
00:11:15,533 --> 00:11:21,233
Well, the formula would be VN
would be LO over LR times VE.

216
00:11:21,267 --> 00:11:23,133
So how fast is...

217
00:11:23,167 --> 00:11:25,033
Which is 210.

218
00:11:25,067 --> 00:11:26,943
- 210 mph! Well, there you go, ladies and gentlemen!
- Fair enough!

219
00:11:26,967 --> 00:11:30,800
All buy Bugattis and Zondas
to cure congestion.

220
00:11:30,833 --> 00:11:32,276
Now, of course,
the big news this week,

221
00:11:32,300 --> 00:11:34,200
that's been occupying
all the bulletins

222
00:11:34,233 --> 00:11:37,943
is that 1.5, I think 1.5 million
people have signed this petition

223
00:11:37,967 --> 00:11:42,367
protesting about the plans to implement
road charging. Pay as you go stuff.

224
00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:47,000
If you want to add your name to
that petition, here is the address.

225
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:55,943
Okay, that's the address.

226
00:11:55,967 --> 00:11:58,100
Obviously, this being the BBC,

227
00:11:58,133 --> 00:12:00,067
if you think rate pricing
is a good idea

228
00:12:00,100 --> 00:12:02,833
and you want to register
your thoughts on that.

229
00:12:02,867 --> 00:12:04,700
There's a website too.
There it is.

230
00:12:06,567 --> 00:12:08,400
And, um...

231
00:12:08,433 --> 00:12:10,167
Best of luck with that.

232
00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:13,033
The Mitsubishi Evo, we love
that car, it's a great car, isn't it?

233
00:12:13,067 --> 00:12:14,943
Well, This is the new one,
the Evo X.

234
00:12:14,967 --> 00:12:16,967
This is what it's
probably gonna look like.

235
00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:19,467
They've loaded it
with loads of technology.

236
00:12:19,500 --> 00:12:22,300
- Again it's got all these initials, ACD...
- Good.

237
00:12:22,333 --> 00:12:23,367
- AYC...
- Good.

238
00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:25,167
- ASC, SAWC...
- Yeah. Mmm...

239
00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:26,943
- MIVEC...
- Keep talking to me like that!

240
00:12:26,967 --> 00:12:28,400
If it's got all the technology

241
00:12:28,433 --> 00:12:30,867
- I mean really road crossing technology...
- It has.

242
00:12:30,967 --> 00:12:32,767
...and it looks as good
as that. Oh!

243
00:12:32,800 --> 00:12:34,843
- Suddenly why do you need supercars?
- Yeah, why do you?

244
00:12:34,867 --> 00:12:37,176
- 'Cause if it looks like that and goes as well as it could.
- Yeah.

245
00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:40,333
There is a slight warning associated
with those cars. Those big cars.

246
00:12:40,367 --> 00:12:42,533
Of all that technology,
I mean they really do...

247
00:12:42,567 --> 00:12:44,476
- They go beyond flattering you when you drive it.
- Mmm.

248
00:12:44,500 --> 00:12:45,843
They sort of...
Well, they become...

249
00:12:45,867 --> 00:12:47,733
It's a bit like
one of those automatic pianos

250
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:50,943
where you play in it and then take
your hands off and it carries on playing.

251
00:12:50,967 --> 00:12:52,943
There's a danger
to cars like that

252
00:12:52,967 --> 00:12:55,109
if you've got passengers with you and
they're looking at you admiringly thinking.

253
00:12:55,133 --> 00:12:56,943
"Wow, what a brilliant driver,
you're excellent."

254
00:12:56,967 --> 00:12:59,867
Don't take your hands off the
wheel to turn around because...

255
00:12:59,967 --> 00:13:02,000
- It will keep going.
- And you'll look an idiot.

256
00:13:02,033 --> 00:13:03,609
A couple of times recently
on the programme,

257
00:13:03,633 --> 00:13:05,867
we've said that
there'll never be a car

258
00:13:05,967 --> 00:13:07,867
to beat the Bugatti Veyron
in our lifetime.

259
00:13:07,967 --> 00:13:11,943
It's the ultimate expression of automotive
engineering and will be for some time.

260
00:13:11,967 --> 00:13:14,667
Turns out we might've been
wrong, because look at this!

261
00:13:14,700 --> 00:13:17,943
This is called the Melling Hellcat.
I've got some figures for you.

262
00:13:17,967 --> 00:13:21,700
It's got a 6-litre,
quad turbo V10,

263
00:13:21,733 --> 00:13:25,400
1,175 bhp,

264
00:13:25,433 --> 00:13:29,500
and a top speed,
they're saying, of 270 mph.

265
00:13:29,533 --> 00:13:31,200
- Oh, rubbish!
- What?

266
00:13:31,233 --> 00:13:33,767
That's rubbish! I bet you
that's not slippery enough.

267
00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:35,343
- You mean not aerodynamic enough?
- Yeah.

268
00:13:35,367 --> 00:13:38,167
Can you please not ask me
to be the one to find out.

269
00:13:40,233 --> 00:13:42,167
I just don't fancy it.

270
00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:45,000
Hey, last week, did you see the
American programme? Last week?

271
00:13:45,033 --> 00:13:46,867
Yes.

272
00:13:46,967 --> 00:13:49,043
We, you know we got into a spot of
bother in a petrol station in Alabama.

273
00:13:49,067 --> 00:13:51,267
Turned out we missed a trick.

274
00:13:51,300 --> 00:13:53,567
'Cause you know when that
woman came out and she said.

275
00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:56,167
"Are you gay or are you looking
to get beat up in a hip town?"

276
00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:57,733
You know what?

277
00:13:57,767 --> 00:13:59,509
And I said, "Oh, no, no, I'm
actually married with three children."

278
00:13:59,533 --> 00:14:01,976
If only you'd said, "Well, actually
I'm married with two children"

279
00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:03,967
we could've just
pointed at bachelor boy here.

280
00:14:06,133 --> 00:14:07,367
The one
with long hair, is it?

281
00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:10,100
Exactly! Watch them kick
the snot out of him!

282
00:14:10,967 --> 00:14:12,567
- Chaps...
- Yeah.

283
00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:14,267
...news from the BBC. Okay.

284
00:14:14,300 --> 00:14:18,400
If you're a BBC employee and
you drive fleet cars or hire cars,

285
00:14:18,433 --> 00:14:20,733
you've now got to go
on a safe driving programme.

286
00:14:20,767 --> 00:14:23,633
- Well, we drive those. Do we have to...
- We do. Yes, we do.

287
00:14:23,667 --> 00:14:25,833
- No way!
- I'm absolutely not kidding. It says here,

288
00:14:25,867 --> 00:14:28,667
"BBC...
Driving is now acknowledged

289
00:14:28,700 --> 00:14:32,567
"as one of the most serious
work-related health and safety issues."

290
00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:36,400
It isn't! It's just something that's
more comfortable than walking.

291
00:14:36,433 --> 00:14:38,767
And then it goes on, "The
BBC's committed in reducing

292
00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:41,200
"the risks associated
with this activity."

293
00:14:41,233 --> 00:14:43,267
They're making it sound like
masturbation!

294
00:14:43,300 --> 00:14:45,867
- Stop driving, you'll go blind!
- Exactly.

295
00:14:47,667 --> 00:14:48,967
I've got some of the questions

296
00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:50,967
and I'd like to share,
some of the questions.

297
00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:53,267
BBC employees have to face,
with you, okay.

298
00:14:53,300 --> 00:14:55,343
Are you ready? We'll bring
them up on the screen. There.

299
00:14:55,367 --> 00:14:58,000
"You have a blow out on the
motorway," one for you here, Hammond,

300
00:14:58,033 --> 00:15:00,733
"what instinctive reaction...

301
00:15:00,767 --> 00:15:03,433
"What instinctive reaction
should you avoid?"

302
00:15:03,467 --> 00:15:04,943
"Accelerating."

303
00:15:04,967 --> 00:15:07,800
What?
As if, "My tyre's gone!"

304
00:15:07,833 --> 00:15:09,600
This is instinctive reactions?

305
00:15:09,633 --> 00:15:12,767
- "Taking your hands off the steering wheel"?
- Well, That'll help.

306
00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:14,400
They're just maniacs.

307
00:15:14,433 --> 00:15:18,233
I'm so irritated by this. I
can't believe it. And then...

308
00:15:18,267 --> 00:15:20,300
Exceeding the speed limit
in a built-up area

309
00:15:20,333 --> 00:15:23,800
is acceptable in vehicles fitted
with anti-lock braking systems.

310
00:15:23,833 --> 00:15:27,233
- What?
- "Do you strongly disagree, disagree or strongly agree?"

311
00:15:27,267 --> 00:15:29,467
It's not gonna be an excuse,
is it?

312
00:15:29,500 --> 00:15:30,967
"Yeah, officer, it's okay,

313
00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:33,333
"I was doing a 110 through
the village, I have ABS."

314
00:15:33,367 --> 00:15:35,767
Yeah, no ticket for me.

315
00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:38,033
"Why are you looking angry
with me, officer?"

316
00:15:38,067 --> 00:15:41,233
"What's the primary hazard
facing drivers when driving at night?"

317
00:15:41,267 --> 00:15:42,576
Anyone want to hazard
a guess at that?

318
00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:44,600
No, hang on. Yeah, go on.

319
00:15:44,633 --> 00:15:46,000
Yeah?

320
00:15:46,033 --> 00:15:47,167
What?

321
00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:48,609
- The dark.
- The dark. Anything else?

322
00:15:48,633 --> 00:15:50,533
- Germans!
- Germans.

323
00:15:50,567 --> 00:15:53,100
- These are all valid points...
valid points.

324
00:15:53,133 --> 00:15:55,743
None of these things are on my
list. Anybody else got any thoughts?

325
00:15:55,767 --> 00:15:57,467
- Peasants.
- Peasants!

326
00:15:59,867 --> 00:16:03,567
No, it's "Glare from
other vehicle's head lamps.

327
00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:05,367
"Cyclists in dark clothing."

328
00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:07,476
That's their own fault for not
working hard enough and having a car.

329
00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:10,167
"Fatigue and staying alert."

330
00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:13,433
And it now means you've got to spend
20 minutes next week failing the test

331
00:16:13,467 --> 00:16:15,133
and then going on a course.

332
00:16:15,167 --> 00:16:16,743
I'm sorry, we won't be here,
ladies and gentlemen, next week.

333
00:16:16,767 --> 00:16:19,633
But we'll be much safer
drivers when we get back.

334
00:16:19,667 --> 00:16:22,300
Now here on Top Gear, as you
know, we like a bit of a challenge.

335
00:16:22,333 --> 00:16:26,000
We've made amphibious cars,
we've made a convertible people carrier

336
00:16:26,033 --> 00:16:29,867
but now time to see if we
can conquer the final frontier.

337
00:16:29,967 --> 00:16:31,867
- Space.
- No.

338
00:16:31,967 --> 00:16:33,867
- Hang on. What do you mean, "No"?
- No.

339
00:16:33,967 --> 00:16:35,800
No, you see,
we wanted to find out

340
00:16:35,833 --> 00:16:38,533
if you could make a car
into a spaceship.

341
00:16:38,567 --> 00:16:43,633
Yes. And I thought this was the single
stupidest idea I'd ever heard in my life

342
00:16:43,667 --> 00:16:45,533
and refused to have
any part in it.

343
00:16:45,567 --> 00:16:50,167
Ah, you see, but you'd underestimated
the genius of our space-based plan.

344
00:16:56,267 --> 00:17:00,500
One of the problems with space
rockets is that they're jolly expensive.

345
00:17:00,533 --> 00:17:02,233
The super powers
spend billions

346
00:17:02,267 --> 00:17:05,733
trying to get their hardware
up amongst the stars.

347
00:17:10,867 --> 00:17:13,667
But we thought you could do it
for a lot less cash

348
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:17,100
if you based your space rocket
on a car.

349
00:17:18,967 --> 00:17:23,433
That meant getting hold of the most
rocket-shaped car we could think of.

350
00:17:26,033 --> 00:17:28,167
Yes, it's been around
for 30 years,

351
00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:31,567
and for 29 of those years
it's been a complete joke.

352
00:17:31,600 --> 00:17:38,300
Now though, we're gonna see if the Reliant
Robin has the makings of a spaceship.

353
00:17:38,333 --> 00:17:42,767
Its light, it's cheap and it
tapers to a point like a rocket.

354
00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:45,533
So we're already heading
in the right direction.

355
00:17:45,567 --> 00:17:47,500
But we're not gonna
strap rockets to it,

356
00:17:47,533 --> 00:17:50,367
set it off and
wave it goodbye.

357
00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:52,067
Because we're gonna see

358
00:17:52,100 --> 00:17:55,833
if we can turn it into the
most difficult of all spacecraft.

359
00:17:55,867 --> 00:18:00,200
The one that has to take off
and be used again.

360
00:18:00,233 --> 00:18:01,467
A space shuttle.

361
00:18:03,967 --> 00:18:10,133
If you're eight, you're probably
gonna want to see what happens next.

362
00:18:10,167 --> 00:18:13,533
Our first job had been to
put a call in to the rocketeers.

363
00:18:13,567 --> 00:18:16,833
These were the men who helped
to send a Mini down a ski jump

364
00:18:16,867 --> 00:18:18,867
for the
Top Gear Winter Olympics.

365
00:18:18,967 --> 00:18:21,467
Three, two, one! Initiate!

366
00:18:31,333 --> 00:18:34,267
James and I convened a meeting
at their headquarters

367
00:18:34,300 --> 00:18:38,200
just outside the
Derbyshire town of Glossop.

368
00:18:38,233 --> 00:18:41,433
It's not exactly the
Kennedy Space Center, is it?

369
00:18:41,467 --> 00:18:43,067
Oh, I don't know.

370
00:18:43,100 --> 00:18:47,800
Inside we'd assembled
a motley crew of boffins.

371
00:18:47,833 --> 00:18:49,967
Right, gentlemen,
what we want from you is

372
00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:53,033
the most difficult type
of space rocket.

373
00:18:53,067 --> 00:18:54,067
A...

374
00:18:56,367 --> 00:18:57,800
space shuttle.

375
00:18:58,500 --> 00:19:00,267
This has to work properly.

376
00:19:00,300 --> 00:19:01,667
It has to have
the big fuel tank,

377
00:19:01,700 --> 00:19:02,976
it has to have
the booster rockets,

378
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:04,967
they all have to separate,
and most importantly

379
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:08,767
we have to be able to bring it
back down under control to a landing.

380
00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:11,833
And it's worth saying as well
that nobody is going to go in this.

381
00:19:11,867 --> 00:19:13,800
- Yeah.
- But it has to be landed.

382
00:19:13,833 --> 00:19:18,567
Yeah, the idea of this is that we
will send it up to a few thousand feet.

383
00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:20,533
What we're doing is
testing the principle

384
00:19:20,567 --> 00:19:23,576
if you can make all this work and we
can bring it into this controlled landing

385
00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:27,100
we will probably get funding from
the EU for a proper space mission.

386
00:19:27,133 --> 00:19:29,833
So you want to launch it.
Jettison the SRB.

387
00:19:29,867 --> 00:19:32,033
- Jettison the SRB.
- Jettison the orbiter.

388
00:19:32,067 --> 00:19:34,733
- And fly it down.
- What's the orbiter?

389
00:19:34,767 --> 00:19:36,467
- The Reliant.
- Right.

390
00:19:36,500 --> 00:19:39,167
- Have you got a spare billion dollars though?
- No.

391
00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:41,067
You see,
that why we've come to you.

392
00:19:41,100 --> 00:19:43,609
Because you're form Manchester
and you'll be able to do it for 10 and six.

393
00:19:43,633 --> 00:19:45,467
And there'll be as much tea
as you can drink.

394
00:19:45,500 --> 00:19:50,433
Yeah, chips in lard,
everything. Anything you want.

395
00:19:50,467 --> 00:19:53,733
The rocket men did some
calculations on the back of a laptop.

396
00:19:54,700 --> 00:19:56,533
How do we make
this bloody thing work?

397
00:19:56,567 --> 00:19:57,767
Well,
we've got the Robin.

398
00:19:57,800 --> 00:19:59,209
They've given us Robin,
haven't they.

399
00:19:59,233 --> 00:20:01,533
- That's a starting point.
- Whoopee. Whoopee. Whoopee.

400
00:20:01,567 --> 00:20:03,700
We've got a Robin!

401
00:20:03,733 --> 00:20:06,373
An hour later and it looks as though
Jeremy might have had a point.

402
00:20:07,867 --> 00:20:11,800
It is difficult
in every single way.

403
00:20:12,233 --> 00:20:13,300
Right.

404
00:20:13,333 --> 00:20:15,067
You've got a Reliant Robin,

405
00:20:15,100 --> 00:20:18,400
- it's a car so it's really, really heavy.
- Yeah.

406
00:20:18,433 --> 00:20:20,233
So rough numbers,

407
00:20:20,267 --> 00:20:23,667
we're gonna need about 12 times
the amount of power that the Mini had...

408
00:20:23,700 --> 00:20:25,300
Really?

409
00:20:25,333 --> 00:20:27,800
It's the largest non-commercial
rocket launched in Europe.

410
00:20:27,833 --> 00:20:32,767
It's the most powerful non-commercial
rocket launched in Europe.

411
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:34,567
Right.

412
00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:37,600
As a rocket, it's the most
awful shape it could ever be.

413
00:20:37,633 --> 00:20:41,400
But I thought the Robin was a
good place to start because...

414
00:20:41,433 --> 00:20:43,667
It's pointy at one end.

415
00:20:43,700 --> 00:20:45,567
That's as far
as we got with that.

416
00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:48,833
It's pointy, shuck, yeah.

417
00:20:48,867 --> 00:20:52,867
Nevertheless, they set
to work with James in tow.

418
00:20:55,167 --> 00:20:58,943
While May was in his element in
the world's biggest allotment shed...

419
00:20:58,967 --> 00:21:00,467
Aw! Look at that!

420
00:21:00,500 --> 00:21:04,200
I was trying to work out
how to land a Reliant Robin.

421
00:21:05,433 --> 00:21:07,767
If rockets are deployed...

422
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:11,067
Land it like that.

423
00:21:11,100 --> 00:21:15,867
I wrestled with the problem for
ages before I had a brainwave.

424
00:21:15,967 --> 00:21:18,000
Hello. Is that
Model Airplane monthly?

425
00:21:18,033 --> 00:21:20,733
Great. I need some help...

426
00:21:29,833 --> 00:21:34,167
This, I think, is the answer, if in a more
powerful version well, of whatever this is,

427
00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:36,067
to our space shuttle.

428
00:21:36,100 --> 00:21:39,400
Then we take control of it from the
ground after it's jettisoned its rocket

429
00:21:39,433 --> 00:21:41,400
and fly it in by remote.
It's a good plan.

430
00:21:41,433 --> 00:21:43,733
Just gotta get good at flying!

431
00:21:47,433 --> 00:21:50,533
I thought it best
to sack myself from this job

432
00:21:50,567 --> 00:21:53,000
and instead hired
Steve Holland,

433
00:21:53,033 --> 00:21:56,000
a champion
model aeroplane pilot.

434
00:21:56,033 --> 00:21:59,100
Yeah, now that is
more like it, Steve.

435
00:22:02,467 --> 00:22:05,500
How are you at flying cars?

436
00:22:05,533 --> 00:22:07,833
- Cars?
- Small cars.

437
00:22:07,867 --> 00:22:11,833
With Steve the pilot on board, I
went back to check on James' build,

438
00:22:11,867 --> 00:22:14,200
and I was in for a shock.

439
00:22:15,633 --> 00:22:18,033
Bloody hell, James!

440
00:22:18,067 --> 00:22:19,467
It's enormous!

441
00:22:19,500 --> 00:22:22,600
That's a solid rocket booster,
there are two of those.

442
00:22:22,633 --> 00:22:24,600
That hasn't even got
its nose cone on yet.

443
00:22:24,633 --> 00:22:26,043
It's actually a bit bigger
than that.

444
00:22:26,067 --> 00:22:28,300
But it's... I was thinking
firework on a stick.

445
00:22:28,333 --> 00:22:30,000
I know. So was I.

446
00:22:30,033 --> 00:22:32,500
But that isn't
the biggest bit.

447
00:22:32,533 --> 00:22:35,533
No, the external fuel tank
was the biggest bit,

448
00:22:35,567 --> 00:22:38,067
complete with extra rockets
in the bottom

449
00:22:38,100 --> 00:22:40,200
then there were more rockets
in the Reliant,

450
00:22:40,233 --> 00:22:42,943
and explosive bolts
to separate everything.

451
00:22:42,967 --> 00:22:47,100
The whole construction was
mind-bogglingly complicated.

452
00:22:47,133 --> 00:22:51,633
What occurs to me now is
the list of things to go wrong...

453
00:22:51,667 --> 00:22:53,943
- Is enormous.
- Yeah.

454
00:22:53,967 --> 00:22:55,833
And if any one of them
goes wrong...

455
00:22:55,867 --> 00:22:58,400
See, I've been worried
about the landing.

456
00:22:58,433 --> 00:23:02,633
The chances of getting as far as
the landing on the day, are now...

457
00:23:02,667 --> 00:23:05,433
- How did you get on with your flying, by the way?
- Good.

458
00:23:08,967 --> 00:23:11,000
The next problem was a biggie.

459
00:23:11,033 --> 00:23:14,400
The rocketeers were worried that
because of the Robin's odd shape,

460
00:23:14,433 --> 00:23:18,467
the whole shuttle would spear
off course during the ascent.

461
00:23:18,500 --> 00:23:20,943
So, we're happy
we've got the power.

462
00:23:20,967 --> 00:23:22,943
Yeah, eight tonnes of thrust.

463
00:23:22,967 --> 00:23:27,000
And the thing only weighs
one-and-a-half so it's gonna go somewhere.

464
00:23:27,033 --> 00:23:29,367
It's not going to work, is it?

465
00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:32,943
- Well, it's got to work. We're a long way into it now.
- What's that?

466
00:23:32,967 --> 00:23:35,609
Yeah, I know, but if you look at it
like this it makes a lot more sense.

467
00:23:35,633 --> 00:23:38,300
May, we've got to make sure
it doesn't just launch.

468
00:23:38,333 --> 00:23:39,700
I mean like...

469
00:23:39,733 --> 00:23:41,943
It could fall onto its back
in the sky or anything.

470
00:23:41,967 --> 00:23:43,733
This isn't about power now.

471
00:23:43,767 --> 00:23:47,700
This is about the shape of it and
how that will affect where it goes.

472
00:23:47,733 --> 00:23:49,167
Where it goes.
It's aerodynamic.

473
00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:52,067
We need an aerodynamics expert
to look at all this stuff.

474
00:23:54,067 --> 00:23:58,067
One grovelling phone call to the
University of the West of England,

475
00:23:58,100 --> 00:24:01,267
and we secured permission
to use their wind tunnel.

476
00:24:01,300 --> 00:24:05,833
And because it was free, we
assumed it was self-service.

477
00:24:05,867 --> 00:24:08,300
- Go!
- Well, what do you mean, "Go"? I don't know what...

478
00:24:17,833 --> 00:24:19,200
Do that!

479
00:24:21,367 --> 00:24:22,633
That's good!

480
00:24:22,667 --> 00:24:24,533
No matter how hard he tried,

481
00:24:24,567 --> 00:24:27,700
James couldn't make himself
into the shape of a Reliant Robin,

482
00:24:27,733 --> 00:24:28,967
even with help.

483
00:24:31,333 --> 00:24:33,200
Thankfully,
two eggheads arrived

484
00:24:33,233 --> 00:24:35,433
with the scale model
of our shuttle.

485
00:24:35,467 --> 00:24:39,100
You see a beard like that and
you know you're in safe hands.

486
00:24:39,133 --> 00:24:40,500
Yup.

487
00:24:44,433 --> 00:24:48,767
Well, basically, we're looking for
anything aerodynamically nasty.

488
00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:51,167
Yeah, the Reliant is a problem
aerodynamically.

489
00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:54,433
Well, they didn't really design
it with this in mind, did they?

490
00:24:54,467 --> 00:24:56,943
Is there any wash-out
or wash-in on the wings?

491
00:24:56,967 --> 00:25:01,100
Basically it's simple...
symmetrical aerofoils.

492
00:25:01,133 --> 00:25:03,833
I don't know
what you two are saying.

493
00:25:03,867 --> 00:25:06,267
- Well, there is the aerofoil section of the wing...
- Duh...

494
00:25:07,100 --> 00:25:08,167
Right.

495
00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:10,833
So, the big question,

496
00:25:11,667 --> 00:25:12,967
will it fly?

497
00:25:15,433 --> 00:25:18,767
I took it from his silence
that he had his doubts.

498
00:25:20,433 --> 00:25:22,467
And he wasn't alone.

499
00:25:22,500 --> 00:25:25,700
Like the real thing, our shuttle would
glide back to earth without power.

500
00:25:25,733 --> 00:25:31,100
And Steve, our pilot, had also built
a model to show how well it did this.

501
00:25:31,133 --> 00:25:33,443
What is it actually going to
feel like to fly, do you think?

502
00:25:33,467 --> 00:25:36,800
Well, it's gonna come down
like a lift with the cable cut.

503
00:25:36,833 --> 00:25:38,733
You're not filling me
with hope, Steve.

504
00:25:38,767 --> 00:25:42,233
Well, most normal aeroplanes,
they sort of glide for about, you know,

505
00:25:42,267 --> 00:25:45,943
they fly 20 feet forward, they
lose about a foot in height.

506
00:25:45,967 --> 00:25:47,200
Yeah.

507
00:25:47,233 --> 00:25:48,953
I'm afraid the Robin
is the other way round.

508
00:25:52,300 --> 00:25:54,467
Three, two, one...

509
00:25:54,500 --> 00:25:58,233
And when the model was
released from its tow plane...

510
00:25:58,267 --> 00:26:00,767
It's just plummeting
to the Earth!

511
00:26:06,867 --> 00:26:09,600
I'd rather you than me,
I tell you!

512
00:26:09,633 --> 00:26:12,633
So, there were doubts about
our space shuttle going up.

513
00:26:12,667 --> 00:26:15,167
And doubts about it
coming down.

514
00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:18,100
But it was too late to worry
now because she was ready

515
00:26:18,133 --> 00:26:20,967
and on her way
to the launch site.

516
00:26:27,867 --> 00:26:31,067
Don't worry,
I still like cars, I promise!

517
00:26:31,100 --> 00:26:35,000
Anyway, we'll pick up
the ludicrous story later on,

518
00:26:35,033 --> 00:26:38,567
but now it's time to put a star
in our reasonably priced car.

519
00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:43,233
My guest tonight is the hero of a
new American Hollywood action film

520
00:26:43,267 --> 00:26:47,700
that's set in a sleepy British
village, sort of Die Heart... beat.

521
00:26:48,833 --> 00:26:50,667
Anyway, here he is,
Simon Pegg!

522
00:26:53,500 --> 00:26:54,800
How are you?

523
00:26:55,700 --> 00:26:57,300
Good to see you! Have a seat.

524
00:26:58,967 --> 00:27:00,867
A superstar!

525
00:27:02,667 --> 00:27:05,100
Now, uh, I gotta say

526
00:27:05,133 --> 00:27:07,943
- we don't really do plugging very much on this show.
- Yeah.

527
00:27:07,967 --> 00:27:11,067
I'm not very good at it.
I also like to say how it is.

528
00:27:11,100 --> 00:27:12,800
- You know?
- You keep it real.

529
00:27:12,833 --> 00:27:14,943
Yes, if some warbler comes up
with a new record that's terrible

530
00:27:14,967 --> 00:27:16,667
we gonna say,
"Your record is terrible."

531
00:27:16,700 --> 00:27:19,333
But your new film, Hot Fuzz,

532
00:27:19,367 --> 00:27:21,667
- man, that's funny!
- Good.

533
00:27:21,700 --> 00:27:23,200
As far as I can work out,

534
00:27:23,233 --> 00:27:26,067
the idea is to make British
cops cool, is that right?

535
00:27:26,100 --> 00:27:29,200
Yes, we just thought, there's
been a big sort of tradition of.

536
00:27:29,233 --> 00:27:31,533
British films
being about the gangsters

537
00:27:31,567 --> 00:27:33,633
and being about
the crime sort of world

538
00:27:33,667 --> 00:27:35,043
because it's easier to
make them look cool

539
00:27:35,067 --> 00:27:37,600
because they've got shooters
and stuff, you know.

540
00:27:37,633 --> 00:27:41,600
Whereas the British cops, it's slightly
against them in terms of their cool.

541
00:27:41,633 --> 00:27:43,267
It's a very traditional force,

542
00:27:43,300 --> 00:27:45,476
you know the uniforms only
just starting to get practical,

543
00:27:45,500 --> 00:27:48,667
- and so, it's hard to be cool and a British cop.
- Hmm.

544
00:27:48,700 --> 00:27:50,533
And the one thing
that was difficult

545
00:27:50,567 --> 00:27:54,300
for our police force in terms of
the cool-o-metre is the pointy tall hat

546
00:27:54,333 --> 00:27:56,833
which pregnant women
are still allowed to wee in...

547
00:27:56,867 --> 00:27:58,867
That's true.

548
00:27:58,967 --> 00:28:00,767
If they're caught short
in the town centre.

549
00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:02,867
You're allowed to wee
in a policeman's hat?

550
00:28:02,967 --> 00:28:04,433
Absolutely.
If you're pregnant.

551
00:28:04,467 --> 00:28:06,600
I can claim that!

552
00:28:06,633 --> 00:28:09,500
- Come here, officer.
Ooh, thanks a lot, mate!

553
00:28:09,800 --> 00:28:14,400
So some other people can know what we're
on about, we've got a clip of this film.

554
00:28:14,433 --> 00:28:17,633
- Okay.
- And it's the bit in the supermarket.

555
00:28:17,667 --> 00:28:20,767
- Yes.
- When they have a gunfight.

556
00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:25,400
- We do, the Battle of Somerfield!
- So, let's have a look at that.

557
00:29:12,500 --> 00:29:15,900
It is... it is marvellous, that.

558
00:29:18,400 --> 00:29:25,000
Now... first question I've got to ask...
Did Somerfield's let you do that or-?

559
00:29:25,500 --> 00:29:29,700
Yeah they did. I've got maximum
respect for Somerfield now.

560
00:29:30,100 --> 00:29:38,100
Because we wrote them a letter, said we
were gonna have a fight, they said alright.

561
00:29:40,133 --> 00:29:42,900
- And the other, of course, we gotta get on to car chases.
- Yeah.

562
00:29:42,933 --> 00:29:46,767
Again the American car tends to
be rear-wheel drive in a police chase.

563
00:29:46,800 --> 00:29:49,000
You used Astra diesels.

564
00:29:49,033 --> 00:29:50,900
Nothing but the best.

565
00:29:50,933 --> 00:29:53,809
Well, that's what, you know, a lot of
the police are kind of lumbered with.

566
00:29:53,833 --> 00:29:58,400
And because actually the chase is...
It's another Astra diesel in the chase,

567
00:29:58,433 --> 00:30:00,333
it's like fire and ice.

568
00:30:00,367 --> 00:30:02,743
That chase would never end until the
fuel ran out. Do you know what I mean?

569
00:30:02,767 --> 00:30:04,700
'Cause there's no...
They're the same.

570
00:30:04,733 --> 00:30:06,200
Two Astra's
chasing each other.

571
00:30:06,233 --> 00:30:07,743
It's like the immovable force
and the unstoppable object.

572
00:30:07,767 --> 00:30:09,733
The other awful thing
about the Astra diesel is

573
00:30:09,767 --> 00:30:12,767
you know those World's Wildest
Police Chase Videos thing.

574
00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:15,933
- Yeah.
- I once watched one of those in America.

575
00:30:15,967 --> 00:30:17,743
And they said, "We got a
clip from England now..."

576
00:30:17,767 --> 00:30:20,033
I'm just dying of shame.

577
00:30:20,067 --> 00:30:22,933
And sure enough it went around
a corner on a housing estate

578
00:30:22,967 --> 00:30:24,076
and bumped into a plant pot.

579
00:30:24,100 --> 00:30:25,800
Imagine!

580
00:30:25,833 --> 00:30:27,967
Now you say you had some
driver training for the film.

581
00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:29,767
Did you have gun training
as well?

582
00:30:29,800 --> 00:30:32,733
We did a couple of days. I
was pretty proficient anyway.

583
00:30:32,767 --> 00:30:33,976
- I'm a great shot.
- You a gun man?

584
00:30:34,000 --> 00:30:36,233
I've got a bunch or weapons.
I pack heat.

585
00:30:38,600 --> 00:30:40,567
We had some amazing days
of just...

586
00:30:40,600 --> 00:30:42,767
Whole days running through
Wells town centre

587
00:30:42,800 --> 00:30:46,400
firing off the Winchester
1300 M pump action shot guns.

588
00:30:46,433 --> 00:30:47,843
- The 1300 M.
- It's a lovely weapon.

589
00:30:47,867 --> 00:30:49,876
Yeah. I like the way you throw
the model name in there.

590
00:30:49,900 --> 00:30:52,433
Nick Frost calls it...
He called it Emma.

591
00:30:52,467 --> 00:30:54,167
He was that attached to it.

592
00:30:54,200 --> 00:30:58,967
And when we were doing Spaced,
he had to dismantle a gun for the show.

593
00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:02,543
So he took a replica MP5
home, which is a machine gun.

594
00:31:02,567 --> 00:31:04,333
He took all his clothes off.

595
00:31:04,367 --> 00:31:06,400
No, he...

596
00:31:06,433 --> 00:31:08,433
He stripped to the waist.
It was summertime.

597
00:31:08,467 --> 00:31:10,867
And he put a blindfold on
and was kind of doing this.

598
00:31:10,900 --> 00:31:12,543
Took the blindfold off
to check the watch

599
00:31:12,567 --> 00:31:15,400
and there were eight armed
police officers in the living room

600
00:31:15,433 --> 00:31:18,033
with their guns drawn,
like you know,

601
00:31:18,067 --> 00:31:21,600
and they made their decision that if
Nick went like that as opposed to that,

602
00:31:21,633 --> 00:31:22,976
which is what he did,
they were gonna shoot him.

603
00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:24,933
- Really?
- Yeah. And he phoned me afterwards.

604
00:31:24,967 --> 00:31:27,267
Simon, they've come to...

605
00:31:27,300 --> 00:31:31,367
And he said... Apparently he was
going "I'm an actor. I'm an actor."

606
00:31:31,400 --> 00:31:32,943
And there were like
"Where's you Equity card?"

607
00:31:32,967 --> 00:31:35,267
"They've changed the ruling,
you don't need one any more."

608
00:31:37,767 --> 00:31:39,667
Now, can I just move on,
'cause films,

609
00:31:39,700 --> 00:31:41,800
- you're a bit of a buff I gather.
- I am a bit.

610
00:31:41,833 --> 00:31:43,767
- Star Wars, in particular.
- Yeah, absolutely.

611
00:31:43,800 --> 00:31:47,100
Did you not once write
a 3,500-word essay

612
00:31:47,133 --> 00:31:49,467
on why you thought
C-3PO was gay?

613
00:31:49,500 --> 00:31:52,033
No, no.

614
00:31:52,067 --> 00:31:53,433
That was a part of it.

615
00:31:53,467 --> 00:31:56,167
What I wrote was...
I analysed Star Wars

616
00:31:56,200 --> 00:31:58,900
from a Marxist perspective
in terms of saying...

617
00:31:58,933 --> 00:32:02,100
...what it was, was the idea that
there were lots of things in Star Wars

618
00:32:02,133 --> 00:32:03,500
that are pretty right-winged.

619
00:32:03,533 --> 00:32:05,167
It came after Vietnam.

620
00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:07,933
It was a big expression of
American white middle class power

621
00:32:07,967 --> 00:32:10,567
and the rejection of
the old order of the English.

622
00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:14,900
And you could argue that C-3PO
was a kind of emasculated homosexual.

623
00:32:14,933 --> 00:32:18,400
Because he's very camp, but he
was safe because he didn't have a willy.

624
00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:21,167
So it was okay.

625
00:32:21,200 --> 00:32:22,367
Homosexual men have willies.

626
00:32:22,400 --> 00:32:23,933
He's sexually non-threatening.

627
00:32:23,967 --> 00:32:26,633
- Graham Norton's got a willy.
- How do you know?

628
00:32:32,100 --> 00:32:35,033
Do you know what, I must
admit when I was doing my lap

629
00:32:35,067 --> 00:32:39,067
I was just wishing that I could
hear The Stig like Ben Kenobi.

630
00:32:39,100 --> 00:32:40,700
Yes.

631
00:32:40,733 --> 00:32:43,093
"Slower around the corner,
Simon, slower around the corner."

632
00:32:46,033 --> 00:32:50,000
Anyway, listen, who would
like to see Simon's lap.

633
00:32:50,033 --> 00:32:51,200
Yeah.

634
00:32:51,233 --> 00:32:52,633
Okay,
let's have a look at this.

635
00:32:52,667 --> 00:32:55,133
Good screech.

636
00:32:55,167 --> 00:32:57,300
- That's good.
- Nice.

637
00:32:57,333 --> 00:32:59,467
- Nice.
- Slight wheel spin.

638
00:32:59,567 --> 00:33:00,776
That's kind of
like my job, actually,

639
00:33:00,800 --> 00:33:03,233
that the commentary
on what the car's like.

640
00:33:03,267 --> 00:33:05,467
Oh, yeah.

641
00:33:06,167 --> 00:33:07,833
That was pleasant.

642
00:33:07,867 --> 00:33:10,333
Very pleasant.

643
00:33:10,367 --> 00:33:13,633
"Pleasant" is not a word
I've ever... Look at that!

644
00:33:13,667 --> 00:33:15,543
That was my favourite bend,
that one.

645
00:33:15,567 --> 00:33:18,133
Why did you... It was so good
you just kept it going.

646
00:33:18,167 --> 00:33:20,167
In gear, you.

647
00:33:20,200 --> 00:33:21,767
That hurt.

648
00:33:21,800 --> 00:33:24,833
A leaf from Hugh Grant there
from a couple of weeks ago.

649
00:33:24,867 --> 00:33:27,133
And nice!

650
00:33:28,767 --> 00:33:30,367
This is good.

651
00:33:30,400 --> 00:33:32,467
Help.

652
00:33:32,567 --> 00:33:34,543
That's the first cry for help
we've had.

653
00:33:34,567 --> 00:33:36,467
That was so much fun.

654
00:33:37,567 --> 00:33:38,833
I was just saying you've...

655
00:33:38,867 --> 00:33:42,433
God, if you can nail this one
you're laughing.

656
00:33:42,467 --> 00:33:44,100
The eyes.

657
00:33:44,133 --> 00:33:45,833
No, where's the speed gone?

658
00:33:45,867 --> 00:33:47,076
I know,
that was my worst corner.

659
00:33:47,100 --> 00:33:49,933
No, oh, you slowed down.

660
00:33:49,967 --> 00:33:51,333
I know, I know, I know,

661
00:33:51,367 --> 00:33:53,133
Oh, across the line there!

662
00:33:55,667 --> 00:33:58,100
- He's fast...
- It was all right.

663
00:33:59,700 --> 00:34:01,009
It gets the adrenaline going,
doesn't it?

664
00:34:01,033 --> 00:34:03,543
It really, really does.
It was so much fun.

665
00:34:03,567 --> 00:34:06,167
Where do you think
you've come?

666
00:34:06,200 --> 00:34:08,100
I'd hope for kind of
upper middle.

667
00:34:08,133 --> 00:34:11,200
- Above Coogan, please.
- Above Coogan.

668
00:34:11,233 --> 00:34:14,067
You did it in one minute,
so you're above Jimmy Carr,

669
00:34:16,700 --> 00:34:20,067
forty... So already
you're above Coogan,

670
00:34:20,100 --> 00:34:24,267
8.5.
So way above Coogan.

671
00:34:24,300 --> 00:34:25,900
Nice one!

672
00:34:30,833 --> 00:34:31,967
Thank you.

673
00:34:36,833 --> 00:34:38,900
I think if I'd nailed
that corner.

674
00:34:38,933 --> 00:34:40,600
That was the one
that bothered me.

675
00:34:40,633 --> 00:34:42,673
I'd reckon if you'd have
done those last two corners

676
00:34:42,700 --> 00:34:45,067
at sort of
Michael Gambon speeds...

677
00:34:45,100 --> 00:34:48,067
- You would have been there, honestly, with Gordon Ramsay.
- Yeah.

678
00:34:48,100 --> 00:34:49,543
That was a very good lap.

679
00:34:49,567 --> 00:34:51,767
It felt really great.

680
00:34:53,300 --> 00:34:55,767
Well, best of luck with the
film, and thank you for coming.

681
00:34:55,800 --> 00:34:57,300
Ladies and gentlemen,
Simon Pegg!

682
00:34:57,333 --> 00:34:59,667
Thank you.

683
00:35:08,567 --> 00:35:10,667
Now, in the olden days

684
00:35:10,700 --> 00:35:13,767
it was terribly easy to tune
up a mass produced car.

685
00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:15,333
You put a
bigger carburettor on it.

686
00:35:15,367 --> 00:35:17,800
You made an air scoop for
the bonnet, added plywood,

687
00:35:17,833 --> 00:35:19,033
and away you went.

688
00:35:19,067 --> 00:35:21,900
These days though,
it's not quite so easy.

689
00:35:21,933 --> 00:35:23,567
Now, it is especially tricky

690
00:35:23,600 --> 00:35:26,333
if you start out with something
like this Mercedes SL 65.

691
00:35:26,367 --> 00:35:29,300
517 horsepower,
V12 twin turbo.

692
00:35:29,333 --> 00:35:31,543
I mean,
how can a tuning company

693
00:35:31,567 --> 00:35:33,933
possibly make this better
than it already is.

694
00:35:33,967 --> 00:35:38,067
And if they could, what kind of
monster would you end up with?

695
00:35:49,700 --> 00:35:51,633
Well, you'd end up with this.

696
00:35:51,667 --> 00:35:55,100
The most powerful convertible
ever made.

697
00:36:04,400 --> 00:36:11,733
Welcome, everyone, to the
£160,000 Brabus S Biturbo Roadster.

698
00:36:18,733 --> 00:36:22,300
Sweet mother of God,
this is fast!

699
00:36:24,733 --> 00:36:28,667
The secret to all this speed,
of course, is the engine.

700
00:36:33,767 --> 00:36:37,467
What Brabus do is take
the standard Mercedes V12

701
00:36:37,567 --> 00:36:41,000
and then throw
almost all of it away.

702
00:36:41,033 --> 00:36:45,600
Only the cylinder block remains,
and even that is modified.

703
00:36:45,633 --> 00:36:48,633
Everything else is new.

704
00:36:49,700 --> 00:36:51,433
New and bigger.

705
00:36:51,467 --> 00:36:53,800
The original car
has five-and-a-half litres.

706
00:36:53,833 --> 00:36:57,233
This is a 6.3 and the
result of that is dramatic.

707
00:36:57,267 --> 00:37:00,900
730 bhp.

708
00:37:00,933 --> 00:37:04,167
That's more than any Bentley,
more than any Ferrari.

709
00:37:04,200 --> 00:37:05,967
More than any Lamborghini,
even.

710
00:37:08,300 --> 00:37:15,133
Of course it's not actually that difficult
to screw 730 horsepower from an engine.

711
00:37:15,167 --> 00:37:18,900
But it is difficult to put
all that power on the road.

712
00:37:22,400 --> 00:37:25,900
And it's nigh on impossible
when the engine is churning out

713
00:37:25,933 --> 00:37:30,800
an almost ridiculous
1,000 torques.

714
00:37:30,833 --> 00:37:35,667
A 1,00 torques is what you'd
use for restarting a dead planet.

715
00:37:35,700 --> 00:37:37,700
It's so much that when
they put the engine in

716
00:37:37,733 --> 00:37:39,600
the car wouldn't move at all.

717
00:37:39,633 --> 00:37:42,667
The traction control just sat
there going, "This is impossible."

718
00:37:42,700 --> 00:37:44,243
And when they turned
the traction control off

719
00:37:44,267 --> 00:37:46,700
the rear wheels spun
till the tyres burst.

720
00:37:49,633 --> 00:37:54,467
As a result they've now
limited it to just 811 torques,

721
00:37:54,567 --> 00:37:56,667
which is about what
you'd use to power

722
00:37:56,700 --> 00:37:59,200
a medium-sized
aircraft carrier.

723
00:38:01,300 --> 00:38:03,800
Now, at this point, you're
probably expecting me to say

724
00:38:03,833 --> 00:38:05,900
that they've limited
the top speed as well

725
00:38:05,933 --> 00:38:07,800
and, I'm afraid they have,

726
00:38:07,833 --> 00:38:09,133
to, um...

727
00:38:09,167 --> 00:38:12,000
219 miles an hour!

728
00:38:16,567 --> 00:38:21,967
The top speed is incredible, but the
way it gets there boggles the mind.

729
00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:23,433
A 100...

730
00:38:25,100 --> 00:38:26,400
A 120...

731
00:38:27,967 --> 00:38:29,333
A 140...

732
00:38:30,400 --> 00:38:32,967
I'm now going a 180...

733
00:38:33,000 --> 00:38:36,933
Faster than the top speed of
an Apache helicopter gunship.

734
00:38:39,233 --> 00:38:41,333
And I'm running out of runway!

735
00:38:46,767 --> 00:38:48,833
I suppose, I ought to explain
at this point

736
00:38:48,867 --> 00:38:52,167
that Mercedes limit this car
to a 155mph

737
00:38:52,200 --> 00:38:56,767
because that's the limit of what
various components can take.

738
00:38:58,400 --> 00:39:01,800
So, if you're going
to make it go 219mph,

739
00:39:01,833 --> 00:39:05,333
those components
have to be changed.

740
00:39:05,367 --> 00:39:09,543
That discreet body kit,
therefore, is not for show.

741
00:39:09,567 --> 00:39:11,200
It's there
to keep me on the ground,

742
00:39:11,233 --> 00:39:16,567
which is handy when you're
doing 320 feet a second.

743
00:39:20,233 --> 00:39:23,600
And what kind of under-floor
engineering does the Brabus have

744
00:39:23,633 --> 00:39:26,567
to keep it in check
at this kind of speed?

745
00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:30,867
Well, put simply,
it's all very big.

746
00:39:32,867 --> 00:39:37,300
The brakes are the size of dustbin
lids and have 12 pistons each.

747
00:39:39,567 --> 00:39:42,543
The tyres could encompass
Neptune and at speed,

748
00:39:42,567 --> 00:39:48,067
the whole car sits lower to the
road than normal by 15 millimetres.

749
00:39:55,867 --> 00:39:57,933
So, has it worked?

750
00:39:57,967 --> 00:39:59,933
No, not really.

751
00:40:01,600 --> 00:40:03,633
Even though,
they've reined in the torque

752
00:40:03,667 --> 00:40:06,133
there's still
far too much of it.

753
00:40:06,167 --> 00:40:09,433
Every time you go near the
throttle, even in a straight line,

754
00:40:09,467 --> 00:40:13,433
you get the traction control going,
"Brrr... I don't know what to do!"

755
00:40:15,433 --> 00:40:17,567
Even if you turn the traction
control off,

756
00:40:17,600 --> 00:40:20,867
this being a Mercedes
of course, it isn't really off.

757
00:40:22,300 --> 00:40:28,133
You've got the brakes
stabbing away at the back tyres

758
00:40:28,167 --> 00:40:31,967
desperately trying to control
the mountain of torque.

759
00:40:32,000 --> 00:40:34,733
Just wasting their time.

760
00:40:34,767 --> 00:40:38,667
Honestly, you may as well
blow on an oil rig fire.

761
00:40:42,467 --> 00:40:48,300
You have to develop a new technique
which is blast down the straight...

762
00:40:50,300 --> 00:40:51,900
...hard on the brakes...

763
00:40:51,933 --> 00:40:54,900
Ooh, I think I've just
made a crease in the runway!

764
00:40:58,067 --> 00:41:00,100
And then go very slowly,

765
00:41:00,133 --> 00:41:04,867
slowly ease the power in, still,
the traction control squirming away...

766
00:41:04,900 --> 00:41:07,567
And then... Oh, no,
no, that was too much!

767
00:41:10,433 --> 00:41:13,267
It's very hard work, this!

768
00:41:13,300 --> 00:41:16,467
And worse, after a worryingly
short amount of time,

769
00:41:16,567 --> 00:41:19,133
the brakes were
completely shot.

770
00:41:19,167 --> 00:41:23,500
Still, at least this meant I could
pull over and stop the madness.

771
00:41:28,033 --> 00:41:31,233
In terms of handling, then,
this car is a nightmare.

772
00:41:31,267 --> 00:41:35,600
It just cannot cope with the
volcano under the bonnet.

773
00:41:39,633 --> 00:41:42,767
Here, then, is two and
a bit tonnes of proof

774
00:41:42,800 --> 00:41:47,967
that absolute power really
does corrupt absolutely.

775
00:41:58,567 --> 00:42:00,033
So, it's rubbish?

776
00:42:00,067 --> 00:42:02,367
Well, we're going to find out
by putting it on our track.

777
00:42:02,400 --> 00:42:06,500
And that of course means handing
it over to our tame racing driver.

778
00:42:06,533 --> 00:42:08,833
Some say
that if you lick his chest,

779
00:42:08,867 --> 00:42:11,967
it tastes exactly the same
as piccalilli.

780
00:42:13,767 --> 00:42:16,200
And that at this week's
BRIT Awards,

781
00:42:16,233 --> 00:42:19,067
he was arrested
for goosing Russell Brand...

782
00:42:20,800 --> 00:42:24,800
All we know is,
he's called The Stig.

783
00:42:24,833 --> 00:42:26,267
Away he goes.

784
00:42:26,300 --> 00:42:28,767
His tyres struggling
to contain all the torques.

785
00:42:28,800 --> 00:42:31,033
He's piling into
the first corner already.

786
00:42:31,067 --> 00:42:34,667
A mighty struggle between
power, traction control and The Stig.

787
00:42:34,700 --> 00:42:37,933
Look at that!
Unbelievable driving!

788
00:42:37,967 --> 00:42:39,607
He could hear
the other's heart beating...

789
00:42:39,633 --> 00:42:42,300
as if they shared just one
between them.

790
00:42:42,333 --> 00:42:44,767
Stig's talking book collection
getting another airing there

791
00:42:44,800 --> 00:42:47,733
as he barrels through Chicago.
Not looking all that fast.

792
00:42:47,767 --> 00:42:51,567
Just gotta say, kind of
lunatic of a car, this thing.

793
00:42:51,600 --> 00:42:53,543
Through Hammerhead.

794
00:42:53,567 --> 00:42:56,009
Look, you can actually see it
wobbling around as the computers...

795
00:42:56,033 --> 00:42:58,967
Look at it. Struggling to try and
keep it on the straight and narrow.

796
00:42:59,000 --> 00:43:00,800
Nearly hinging the tyres low.

797
00:43:00,833 --> 00:43:02,833
"I love him," she
shouted it to the elements.

798
00:43:02,867 --> 00:43:04,833
"I love him!"

799
00:43:04,867 --> 00:43:07,300
Through the follow-through
he can really wind it up here,

800
00:43:07,333 --> 00:43:09,167
make up some lost time.

801
00:43:09,200 --> 00:43:13,467
But he's got to have lifted,
even The Stig's not that stupid.

802
00:43:13,567 --> 00:43:15,000
But it just doesn't
look that fast.

803
00:43:15,033 --> 00:43:17,900
You can't get the power on
when you want to in it.

804
00:43:17,933 --> 00:43:20,567
Second to last corner,
just holding it on the track!

805
00:43:20,600 --> 00:43:24,833
Through Gambon, barely contained
explosion, and across the line!

806
00:43:28,033 --> 00:43:30,300
Oh, yeah,
you're applauding, but...

807
00:43:31,167 --> 00:43:32,433
Ready?

808
00:43:33,233 --> 00:43:36,800
An entirely predictable
1.26.2.

809
00:43:36,833 --> 00:43:39,167
And the problem is
very straightforward, okay.

810
00:43:39,200 --> 00:43:44,067
Mercedes spend £1 million a
day on research and development.

811
00:43:44,100 --> 00:43:47,067
A million a day. So they've
got the best brains in the world,

812
00:43:47,100 --> 00:43:48,433
with all the money
in the world,

813
00:43:48,467 --> 00:43:50,900
to make the standard car
as good as it can be.

814
00:43:50,933 --> 00:43:55,300
However, I don't think that this
is the end for tuning companies,

815
00:43:55,333 --> 00:43:57,543
because, if you look
at the Jag here, okay,

816
00:43:57,567 --> 00:43:59,600
they spent 35p designing this.

817
00:43:59,633 --> 00:44:02,033
Now, make no mistake,
I love it, It's beautiful, but,

818
00:44:02,067 --> 00:44:06,267
I do think there's more power to be
got out of the V8 under this bonnet.

819
00:44:06,300 --> 00:44:10,600
This is a prime candidate for someone
to come along and tune it up a bit.

820
00:44:10,633 --> 00:44:13,267
You're right. You're right.
And what's more, we're British.

821
00:44:13,300 --> 00:44:15,433
We are the inventors
of everything.

822
00:44:15,467 --> 00:44:18,067
It is time to brace ourselves,

823
00:44:18,100 --> 00:44:19,800
hasten unto the shed

824
00:44:19,833 --> 00:44:22,867
and liberate ourselves
from the abyss made dark

825
00:44:22,900 --> 00:44:26,100
by the lights of perverted
German science.

826
00:44:28,100 --> 00:44:29,933
I think he really has
lost it this week.

827
00:44:29,967 --> 00:44:32,933
But it doesn't matter because
we can move on because it's time

828
00:44:32,967 --> 00:44:34,133
for the Cool Wall.

829
00:44:36,833 --> 00:44:38,100
Yes!

830
00:44:42,233 --> 00:44:45,900
We're beginning by moving all
the four-wheel drive cars down.

831
00:44:45,933 --> 00:44:48,133
- All of them?
- All of them are going down.

832
00:44:48,167 --> 00:44:51,633
- Hang on!
- Times have moved on, Richard. 21st century and all that.

833
00:44:51,667 --> 00:44:56,433
Look, okay, I appreciate, but not all
4x4s are driven by women around Chelsea.

834
00:44:56,467 --> 00:44:59,967
No, listen, I agree with you, I
agree I'm sure with most people here

835
00:45:00,000 --> 00:45:02,267
that 4x4s are not
killing polar bears but...

836
00:45:02,300 --> 00:45:03,576
Some of us live in the
country, we need them.

837
00:45:03,600 --> 00:45:05,333
You can't move them
all down the wall.

838
00:45:05,367 --> 00:45:06,933
Cars are all about
pulling women,

839
00:45:06,967 --> 00:45:09,200
for us obviously. Yes, you
know what I mean, for blokes.

840
00:45:09,233 --> 00:45:11,133
- Yeah.
- That's what it's all about.

841
00:45:11,167 --> 00:45:13,276
You're not gonna pull socialist women
with these 'cause they don't like them.

842
00:45:13,300 --> 00:45:16,233
What does that matter? Sorry,
mate, you're not making sense.

843
00:45:16,267 --> 00:45:18,967
Socialist women are better
in bed than Tory women.

844
00:45:20,367 --> 00:45:22,133
Let me put it to you
this way, okay?

845
00:45:22,167 --> 00:45:23,767
I'll give you
a straight choice.

846
00:45:23,800 --> 00:45:26,543
Vanessa Redgrave
or Ann Widdecombe.

847
00:45:26,567 --> 00:45:29,067
- Crikey! Vanessa Redgrave.
- There you are!

848
00:45:29,100 --> 00:45:31,543
Vanessa Redgrave. And as a result
they've all got to come down the board.

849
00:45:31,567 --> 00:45:34,633
They're not cool any more driving
around in them. They're just not.

850
00:45:34,667 --> 00:45:36,209
And do you know what I'm
gonna do to celebrate this?

851
00:45:36,233 --> 00:45:37,400
I'm gonna buy a Range Rover.

852
00:45:39,100 --> 00:45:41,700
I'm going to get a V8 one,
petrol. What have you got there?

853
00:45:41,733 --> 00:45:44,300
This is the new
Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder.

854
00:45:44,333 --> 00:45:45,933
What do we think?

855
00:45:45,967 --> 00:45:47,267
How cool's that?

856
00:45:47,300 --> 00:45:50,167
What? Sub zero? In the fridge?

857
00:45:50,200 --> 00:45:51,543
- Sub zero.
- Sub zero.

858
00:45:51,567 --> 00:45:53,300
- In the fridge.
- Sub zero. All wrong.

859
00:45:53,333 --> 00:45:55,600
Hold, on everybody,
with your opinions.

860
00:45:55,633 --> 00:45:58,543
There are a couple of really crucial
things you need to know about this car.

861
00:45:58,567 --> 00:46:02,000
- Number one, he's just bought one.
- Look at this!

862
00:46:03,833 --> 00:46:07,543
Number two, I'm having the wall
extended through that wall down there

863
00:46:07,567 --> 00:46:11,767
to add a new really, really,
really seriously uncool section.

864
00:46:11,800 --> 00:46:13,767
That is true.
Obviously if we buy one,

865
00:46:13,800 --> 00:46:15,367
we ruin the reputation
of that car,

866
00:46:15,400 --> 00:46:17,967
which is why
we put that over there.

867
00:46:18,000 --> 00:46:22,067
But this the 4GT can at last come
up here 'cause I've got rid of it!

868
00:46:23,433 --> 00:46:25,867
Now, next one, Porsche 911...

869
00:46:27,267 --> 00:46:29,433
- GT3 RS.
- GT3 RS.

870
00:46:29,467 --> 00:46:32,033
- It's a brilliant, brilliant car.
- But...

871
00:46:32,067 --> 00:46:33,800
Even I'm not gonna argue
that that's cool.

872
00:46:33,833 --> 00:46:35,600
The scaffolding.
Kristin Scott Thomas,

873
00:46:35,633 --> 00:46:37,333
this is the test we have,
as you know.

874
00:46:37,367 --> 00:46:39,443
She gets in that, "Why have
you got scaffolding in the back?"

875
00:46:39,467 --> 00:46:42,300
You're gonna have to explain
"It's a roll cage in case I fall over..."

876
00:46:42,333 --> 00:46:45,133
In case I roll over
she's just going to get out.

877
00:46:45,167 --> 00:46:46,633
Why has it got
a fire extinguisher.

878
00:46:46,667 --> 00:46:48,276
In case we burst into flames
on a race track.

879
00:46:48,300 --> 00:46:50,343
'Cause honestly, with all
that stuff in there it's like...

880
00:46:50,367 --> 00:46:52,309
Her opening the glove box and going,
"Why have you got Dettol in here?"

881
00:46:52,333 --> 00:46:54,767
"Boo, it's in case my eye
infection flares up again."

882
00:46:56,333 --> 00:46:57,843
So, it's going right down
here. I'll tell you what...

883
00:46:57,867 --> 00:46:59,809
You know if you put a
cock-o-metre at the side of the road?

884
00:46:59,833 --> 00:47:01,367
- A what?
- A cock-o-metre.

885
00:47:01,400 --> 00:47:04,200
You know you drive into villages
these days it tell you your speed.

886
00:47:04,233 --> 00:47:05,543
If there was another one
alongside

887
00:47:05,567 --> 00:47:06,943
like one of those thermometers
outside a church

888
00:47:06,967 --> 00:47:08,967
telling you how much
of a cock you look.

889
00:47:10,700 --> 00:47:13,009
This'd be right off the scale if
you drove by in one of those.

890
00:47:13,033 --> 00:47:14,667
- I'm not joking.
What have you got?

891
00:47:14,700 --> 00:47:17,433
- That is a Kia Cee'd.
- Oh, for God's sake!

892
00:47:17,467 --> 00:47:20,333
- Ah, yes, now, hang on...
- I'm losing the will to live.

893
00:47:21,333 --> 00:47:23,867
Does anybody here
think that's cool?

894
00:47:23,900 --> 00:47:25,540
- Absolute rubbish.
- Have you driven one?

895
00:47:25,567 --> 00:47:26,544
I wouldn't want one.

896
00:47:26,568 --> 00:47:28,233
- No? Yes?
- No.

897
00:47:28,267 --> 00:47:30,309
- Did someone say yes?
- Yes, there's a lady here saying, "Yes".

898
00:47:30,333 --> 00:47:32,800
- You've driven a Kia Cee'd?
- I work for Kia.

899
00:47:35,633 --> 00:47:39,400
On purpose or is it just
bad unemployment in your town?

900
00:47:39,433 --> 00:47:41,867
It's a fabulous car
and it's a fabulous company.

901
00:47:41,900 --> 00:47:44,300
Really?

902
00:47:44,333 --> 00:47:48,400
- You're not helping me there.
- No, except for one tiny detail.

903
00:47:48,433 --> 00:47:49,900
The Koreans eat dogs.

904
00:47:51,633 --> 00:47:53,433
You're going to
come down one morning

905
00:47:53,467 --> 00:47:55,933
and don't come crying to me if
you find Top Gear dog in a bap.

906
00:47:58,033 --> 00:48:00,567
Again this is your logic
and it's frightening.

907
00:48:00,600 --> 00:48:03,933
I'm telling you, I'm on the
money! Come on, be honest.

908
00:48:03,967 --> 00:48:08,133
Why if you work for Kia have
you got a TVR T-shirt on?

909
00:48:08,167 --> 00:48:12,900
Because TVRs are British and
they're fast and they're subzero.

910
00:48:12,933 --> 00:48:14,567
Everything Kias aren't.

911
00:48:16,700 --> 00:48:17,800
Right.

912
00:48:17,833 --> 00:48:20,700
This Ducati 1098...

913
00:48:20,733 --> 00:48:22,133
I'm sorry, what are you doing?

914
00:48:24,000 --> 00:48:26,543
It's a Ducati 1098. I'd like to
put it forward to go on the board.

915
00:48:26,567 --> 00:48:28,300
And I'd like to put it...

916
00:48:28,333 --> 00:48:31,100
Seriously, no, there's every
reason why this is a very cool bike.

917
00:48:32,567 --> 00:48:35,200
Now, earlier on,
Richard Hammond and I

918
00:48:35,233 --> 00:48:38,033
were attempting to prove
John F. Clarkson wrong,

919
00:48:38,067 --> 00:48:41,267
by turning a Reliant Robin
into a space shuttle.

920
00:48:41,300 --> 00:48:44,867
When we left the action, it
was all going terribly well.

921
00:48:50,633 --> 00:48:52,633
The launch site
was a military base

922
00:48:52,667 --> 00:48:55,333
whose whereabouts
are a top secret.

923
00:49:02,467 --> 00:49:05,733
The build began and soon the
main fuel tank was assembled

924
00:49:05,767 --> 00:49:07,400
and attached to
the launch pad

925
00:49:07,433 --> 00:49:09,833
together with
the solid rocket boosters.

926
00:49:09,867 --> 00:49:13,100
These parts contained
the 8.5 tonnes of rocket power

927
00:49:13,133 --> 00:49:16,867
that would take the Reliant
up into the heavens.

928
00:49:19,633 --> 00:49:21,833
Here's what terrifies me.

929
00:49:21,867 --> 00:49:26,000
As it is here, on that, let's
be honest, bit of scaffolding...

930
00:49:26,033 --> 00:49:27,633
Yeah.

931
00:49:27,667 --> 00:49:30,567
Just the tiniest, you know,
that's Birmingham or

932
00:49:30,600 --> 00:49:32,433
that's John o'Groats.

933
00:49:32,467 --> 00:49:35,300
Look, its fine. It's held down
with some old concrete blocks

934
00:49:35,333 --> 00:49:39,167
and some straps that you use to
hold furniture down in a removal van.

935
00:49:39,200 --> 00:49:41,033
That's perfect.

936
00:49:41,067 --> 00:49:43,467
Right, there must be something
useful we can do somewhere.

937
00:49:43,567 --> 00:49:45,367
As it happened, there was.

938
00:49:45,400 --> 00:49:48,100
We were sent off to
dig a bunker for Steve,

939
00:49:48,133 --> 00:49:51,833
the model aeroplane pilot
who would glide the Reliant in.

940
00:49:51,867 --> 00:49:53,667
But that wasn't easy

941
00:49:53,700 --> 00:49:57,600
because the launch site is
littered with unexploded bombs.

942
00:49:59,233 --> 00:50:02,067
"Thank you for choosing
a precision metal detector.

943
00:50:02,100 --> 00:50:05,367
"With your metal detector, you
can hunt for coins, relics, jewellery,

944
00:50:05,400 --> 00:50:07,543
"gold and silver
just about anywhere."

945
00:50:07,567 --> 00:50:10,267
- Does it say bombs?
- No.

946
00:50:10,300 --> 00:50:13,567
James had bought his
metal detector at Argos.

947
00:50:13,600 --> 00:50:17,700
So I got myself some
serious body armour.

948
00:50:28,967 --> 00:50:30,400
You've found my JCB.

949
00:50:30,433 --> 00:50:32,567
I just worked out
something though from this.

950
00:50:32,600 --> 00:50:35,100
It only works down to a
depth of about three inches.

951
00:50:36,967 --> 00:50:39,867
As it turned out,
it all went rather well...

952
00:50:41,867 --> 00:50:42,933
...in the main.

953
00:50:46,133 --> 00:50:47,400
Look what he's done!

954
00:50:48,833 --> 00:50:50,543
You philistine!

955
00:50:50,567 --> 00:50:53,200
Finally,
our bunker was finished.

956
00:50:53,233 --> 00:50:54,633
So that's it then. Good.

957
00:50:54,667 --> 00:50:56,467
With Steve
now fully protected,

958
00:50:56,567 --> 00:50:58,267
we went back
to the launch site,

959
00:50:58,300 --> 00:50:59,700
where there was good news.

960
00:50:59,733 --> 00:51:02,267
Bang on time
for its date with destiny,

961
00:51:02,300 --> 00:51:04,667
the Reliant Robin had arrived.

962
00:51:14,600 --> 00:51:17,433
You're all right,
you're all right.

963
00:51:17,467 --> 00:51:21,067
- Keep it coming. On that line.
- You're all right.

964
00:51:21,100 --> 00:51:22,967
- You're all right.
- Yep.

965
00:51:23,000 --> 00:51:24,300
You're all right.

966
00:51:25,100 --> 00:51:26,400
- Back.
- Nice.

967
00:51:27,033 --> 00:51:28,100
And stop.

968
00:51:31,000 --> 00:51:35,900
That is the business end
of a reusable Reliant orbiter.

969
00:51:39,700 --> 00:51:43,100
Then we were entrusted
with another job.

970
00:51:43,133 --> 00:51:44,400
I reveal to you...

971
00:51:45,733 --> 00:51:47,033
the legend.

972
00:51:48,000 --> 00:51:49,367
You spanner!

973
00:51:49,400 --> 00:51:51,133
What? That's where
it goes, on the wing.

974
00:51:51,167 --> 00:51:53,847
- What's it gonna look like when it's pointing upwards?
- Brilliant.

975
00:51:54,267 --> 00:51:55,767
Upside down?

976
00:52:01,633 --> 00:52:03,200
As night fell,

977
00:52:03,233 --> 00:52:07,033
the most delicate and risky
part of the operation began,

978
00:52:07,067 --> 00:52:12,833
attaching the Reliant space
orbiter to the rockets and fuel tank.

979
00:52:12,867 --> 00:52:16,500
We're not kidding, this
bit is genuinely very scary

980
00:52:16,533 --> 00:52:18,533
because as they're
mounting it up,

981
00:52:18,567 --> 00:52:20,667
and it's quite complicated
with all the linkages,

982
00:52:20,700 --> 00:52:24,400
if the shuttle clonks it and bends
any of the release mechanisms,

983
00:52:24,433 --> 00:52:28,543
it won't come off and then the
shuttle and the tank will come down.

984
00:52:28,567 --> 00:52:29,567
Yeah.

985
00:52:32,167 --> 00:52:34,200
Shall we go over and help?

986
00:52:34,233 --> 00:52:35,733
I think not.

987
00:52:39,133 --> 00:52:41,900
Did you hear that really
un-macho thing he said just now?

988
00:52:41,933 --> 00:52:45,067
- What?
- "Right, come on, lads, let's get this Robin..."

989
00:52:48,733 --> 00:52:50,367
Oh, a ladder's coming out.

990
00:52:50,400 --> 00:52:55,433
Again, NASA, they don't keep
a stepladder on the launch pad.

991
00:52:55,467 --> 00:52:57,167
One small stepladder...

992
00:53:00,133 --> 00:53:02,967
Will you stop laughing?
They'll get really cross!

993
00:53:04,567 --> 00:53:06,433
Finally,
the Robin was attached

994
00:53:06,467 --> 00:53:10,933
and the completed space shuttle
made for a truly awesome sight.

995
00:53:10,967 --> 00:53:12,800
Everything was looking good.

996
00:53:12,833 --> 00:53:16,367
But later, in our suite
at the local Ritz-Sheraton,

997
00:53:16,400 --> 00:53:18,433
I was a worried man.

998
00:53:22,567 --> 00:53:25,033
- Hammond?
- What?

999
00:53:25,067 --> 00:53:27,567
What do you think the chances
are of it actually working?

1000
00:53:28,267 --> 00:53:29,633
It'll work.

1001
00:53:29,667 --> 00:53:31,576
It's just that you know
when we do these big things

1002
00:53:31,600 --> 00:53:34,567
they usually end in some
sort of massive disaster.

1003
00:53:38,267 --> 00:53:39,800
I'd quite like
this one to work.

1004
00:54:10,833 --> 00:54:13,367
Well, it's up, it's built, but
it's worth a quick reminder

1005
00:54:13,400 --> 00:54:15,167
of exactly
what is going to happen.

1006
00:54:15,200 --> 00:54:18,133
Absolutely. We've got
8.5 tonnes of rocket thrust

1007
00:54:18,167 --> 00:54:19,900
to push that thing
off the ground

1008
00:54:19,933 --> 00:54:23,233
and at about 1,000ft, the two
solid rocket boosters will be empty.

1009
00:54:23,267 --> 00:54:26,133
They will fall away and come down
on parachutes, doing about 100mph.

1010
00:54:26,167 --> 00:54:28,867
Yeah, it'll continue
accelerating to about 140,

1011
00:54:28,900 --> 00:54:33,267
then at about 3,000 feet, the orbiter
itself will detach from the main body.

1012
00:54:33,300 --> 00:54:35,433
That's when Steve the pilot
takes control.

1013
00:54:35,467 --> 00:54:37,167
It's his job to glide it in.

1014
00:54:37,200 --> 00:54:40,167
He has the option of firing
three rockets to extend that glide.

1015
00:54:40,200 --> 00:54:42,767
He'll then put it down on
the deck, on the landing strip,

1016
00:54:42,800 --> 00:54:45,600
and prove that
it's a reusable craft.

1017
00:54:45,633 --> 00:54:47,543
- Yeah.
- Of course,

1018
00:54:47,567 --> 00:54:50,167
- all that we've said is just words.
- Words.

1019
00:54:50,200 --> 00:54:52,367
'Cause let's be honest,
who knows?

1020
00:54:54,567 --> 00:54:57,967
The last few hours were
taken up with final preparations

1021
00:54:58,000 --> 00:55:00,633
and with such an
ambitious project as this,

1022
00:55:00,667 --> 00:55:04,867
the complexity of the onboard
systems was simply staggering.

1023
00:55:04,900 --> 00:55:09,333
Each electronic component had to
talk to every other electronic component

1024
00:55:09,367 --> 00:55:11,333
at exactly the right time.

1025
00:55:17,333 --> 00:55:19,800
There have been
one or two delays.

1026
00:55:19,833 --> 00:55:21,767
Most of these are
of an electrical nature.

1027
00:55:21,800 --> 00:55:24,767
There's a long wire leading from
launch control down to the rocket

1028
00:55:24,800 --> 00:55:26,967
and unfortunately that
had a break in it, somehow.

1029
00:55:27,000 --> 00:55:28,933
James, a cow ran through it!

1030
00:55:28,967 --> 00:55:32,400
Yeah, okay. But that's all sorted.
We are now fuelling the bird.

1031
00:55:35,667 --> 00:55:38,233
And once that's done,
there can be no delays.

1032
00:55:38,267 --> 00:55:41,467
- It's full of fuel so they have to light that candle.
- Yeah.

1033
00:55:44,000 --> 00:55:46,967
The tension now
was almost unbearable.

1034
00:55:47,000 --> 00:55:50,867
You could almost hear Jeremy
preparing some intergalactic smugness.

1035
00:55:54,067 --> 00:55:57,100
So, would it stay on course
during the ascent?

1036
00:56:00,467 --> 00:56:03,000
Would the rockets and
the fuel tank detach?

1037
00:56:05,733 --> 00:56:09,900
And would Steve, who by the way
had refused our kind offer of a bunker,

1038
00:56:09,933 --> 00:56:13,000
be able to pilot
the Robin down safely?

1039
00:56:15,433 --> 00:56:17,900
In just a few seconds,
we'd know.

1040
00:56:33,033 --> 00:56:34,567
Oh, yeah!

1041
00:56:34,600 --> 00:56:36,300
Yes!

1042
00:56:39,733 --> 00:56:40,733
Go on!

1043
00:56:44,933 --> 00:56:46,067
Yes!

1044
00:56:55,767 --> 00:56:57,100
It's not coming off!

1045
00:56:59,867 --> 00:57:01,867
- Separate! Separate!
- No. No.

1046
00:57:04,400 --> 00:57:05,767
Set two. Set two.

1047
00:57:11,833 --> 00:57:12,933
Separate!

1048
00:57:12,967 --> 00:57:14,433
Twelve, 1,000!

1049
00:57:17,400 --> 00:57:19,400
Break! Break!

1050
00:57:33,600 --> 00:57:36,333
- Oh, oh, oh, no!
- Shit.

1051
00:57:43,033 --> 00:57:46,467
- That's why...
- How were you gonna use it again?

1052
00:58:01,400 --> 00:58:04,967
That's enough. Really!

1053
00:58:05,000 --> 00:58:08,000
Next week, these two
completely lose touch with reality

1054
00:58:08,033 --> 00:58:11,000
and try to get to the centre of
the Earth with a lawnmower!

1055
00:58:11,900 --> 00:58:13,933
I think we did quite well.

1056
00:58:13,967 --> 00:58:16,967
By what measure do you
arrive at that conclusion?

1057
00:58:17,000 --> 00:58:20,267
Well, in fairness, it was
only one bolt that let us down.

1058
00:58:20,300 --> 00:58:24,333
It was only one iceberg that
sank the Titanic! It's insane.

1059
00:58:24,367 --> 00:58:28,267
The fact of the matter is you just
blew a big hole in Northumberland.

1060
00:58:28,300 --> 00:58:30,400
Yeah, and next week,
we are all of us

1061
00:58:30,433 --> 00:58:33,100
ruining Bedfordshire
with tractors.

1062
00:58:33,133 --> 00:58:35,000
That's true, but don't worry,

1063
00:58:35,033 --> 00:58:37,643
because I'm also driving up and down
our track very fast in a Lamborghini.

1064
00:58:37,667 --> 00:58:39,933
So, we really hope
we'll see you then.

1065
00:58:39,967 --> 00:58:41,067
Take care, good night!